Things on my mind...

Its been a trying few days, its all kinda catching up to me.


Gillian asked me a million questions last night, she started crying and said she was scared. I, doing my best to maintain composer, told her it would be fine, and she told me she was afraid they would cut her head to deep, or off, or she would die... OMG tear at a mommies heart please?!

We had a long talk about how there are always risks with surgeries and that this was alot like her tonsil surgery (only alot more... but thats okay) and these doctors did this alot so they know what they are doing. She then asked me if she would die if she didnt have the surgery, and fact is yes... she would not be okay without a surgery. She has multiple closers which makes everything going on with her dangerous. They walk a fine line of waiting of surgery but not waiting to long.

So that makes me think about Alex... Okay, he has ridges.. every suture I can feel is ridged.... he looks ALOT like Makayla..... not just looks but head shape, prodominant forehead....


Are his delays caused more by craniostenosis thats been untreated and less by autism? So much going on in my head, I will be bringing him to see the Plastics guy, and will talk to the plastics guy about it while we are there. OMFG If I could just give alex a surgery and bring him back to us.... bring him out of his wonderland... I am crying now at the thought...Fact is, he does have autism, but is it made worse by something undiagnosed???